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May 21 2018




JD Salinger stormed the beaches of Normandy with an unfinished manuscript of Catcher in the Rye in his knapsack. He survived the war and finished the novel. Someone could have died that day on the beach who had an even greater accomplishment brewing but we will never know.

wow its almost as if wars result in scarcity of capable individuals that can contribute to and improve society through their work so war is bad who would’ve thought

That’s an argument for war imo given how shitty catcher of the rye was.





andrew and i went to the mall today and there was a store called boxlunch that neither of us had ever heard of but when we went in i was like “this seems like a less goth teen hot topic” so i looked it up and it’s literally owned by hot topic but marketed toward people who no longer feel comfortable navigating around hot topic teens but still wanna pay too much for nerd shit

Ok but this is the opposite direction they shouldve gone, instead they should make a hot topic offshoot that exclusively sells goth/emo shit for people who aren’t comfortable navigating around 32 yr old doctor who fans buying funko pops to decorate their cubicles


things about germany that are actually unironically true


- ancient rivalry between the north and south branch of the same supermarket
- raw minced pork sandwiches are a thing (yes they can give you hepatitis C) (no that won’t stop them)
- watching an extremely obscure 17-minute comedy short film about a noblewoman and a butler in english every new year’s eve
- never cross the road on red even if it’s 4:30am and the closest car is in andorra because there will be an 80-year-old bavarian woman hiding in the bushes ready to lecture you on road safety

>- raw minced pork sandwiches are a thing (yes they can give you hepatitis C) (no that won’t stop them)

the fuck?

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May 15 2018






Let’s all take a moment and thank biology that our internal organs don’t itch.

Fun fact: digestion is actually really painful but your brain just tells you it’s fine the same way it tells you not to bite off your fingure even though you can

that’s… frustrating

that’s because your stomach lining is being constantly digested but regrows at the same pace

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wait a freaking second

who is jensen ackles

i thought jensen ackles was that fish from spongebob 

this guy


i thought…this entire time… you guys have been talking about this fish…..

i dont even know why i just heard the name jensen ackles and assumed that was this guys name

This is the most serious post on this entire website

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Are you telling me that the Teletubbies have, canonically, fucked? Because I am very uncomfortable with that information.

Um wat

turns out they’re called the tiddlytubbies and they have names

most likely umby pumby is la la’s kid and duggle dee is po’s. Yellow and red make orange, so Po and La La got together to have Ruru. 

Nin is purple, so that one is Tinky Winky’s. Dipsy’s is Daa daa because they’re both green. but look at daa daa’s antenna. seems a bit similar to la la’s no? la la and dipsy had some shit on the side.  

po, that other cheating fuck, had ping with tinky winky because ping is pink and that’s suspiciously similar to red and purple. also check out that fucking antenna. same as tinky winky’s. can’t hide the facts. po and la la were cheating on each other and now they have a shit ton of kids to pretend aren’t theirs. 

tinky winky and dipsy also aren’t innocent in this. the actual color of mi mi is an aqua green. green and blue. dipsy and tinky winky had mi mi AND they probably had Baa too. they had TWO KIDS and they’re off getting some tubby custard on the side. 

scandals galore in that damn superdome. 

A diagram for everyone who does not understand either. I found that the only pairs who had not had children together according to the above were Po and Dipsy, and Tinkywanky and Lala. Coincidentally Po, Lala and Tinkywanky all have children with only one confirmed parent. Considering the amount of cheating going on here, its quite likely that these children were the product of these pairs which have supposedly not boned. The suspected parents of these children have been indicated with dotted lines. An orgy happened here.

I’m just gonna…reblog this without comment.




If I’m cursed with this information, you have to be too.

Bold of you to assume it was cheating and they weren’t all in on it together

god damn it this is the poly rep we deserve

Are we all just going to over look the fact you’re calling them Tinkywanky?

Okay, aren’t the Teletubbies supposed to BE babies? I guess they are living independently and successfully operating toasters without injury, but their mannerisms and body type are intended to cue “baby” in the viewer’s head. Babies having babies. EWWW.

Also by this diagram the Teletubbies have to be functionally hermaphroditic, thus confirming that they aren’t Earthly mammals; intersex mammals, including humans, don’t have both male and female systems fully functioning. Is this confirmation that they’re aliens? Or I guess if either Tinky Winky and Po or Dipsy and Laa-Laa were transgender it would work…

Browsed the notes and no one else has pointed out that the Teletubbies appear to still be babies themselves. I’m surprised, Tumblr, you’re slow today.

To be fair the Sun is also a baby, despite the Sun being millions of old in real life.

Maybe the Teletubbies are actually millenia old creatures that just happen to look like babies.

Quite possibly, not that Tumblr usually accepts that as an excuse.

#teletubbies #aaaaaaaaaaaargh is probably the best combination of tags I’ve ever seen.

In that vein, which of the minitubbies are Snape’s?

May 12 2018




Bad: Aliens who are bewildered by basic aspects of human society like cooking food and wearing clothes, implying that no similar practices exist anywhere else in the universe.

Good: Aliens who regard human society as largely unremarkable, but if questioned it rapidly becomes apparent that their understanding of the motive and purpose of various human cultural practices is subtly yet bizarrely askew.

“Us humans do this thing where we heat food to – ”

“Yeah no, we know what cooking is, dude. You heat up the food and then you eat it and it helps facilitate your cells’ photosynthesis less painfully.”

“Oh, sorry, I just assu…wait”

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You can’t argue with me on this.

Radical Centrism: adding all of them to the same reciple





Concept: Weekend at Bernie’s, D&D style. Bernie is now some sort of undead beastie - a vampire, if nothing else springs to mind - and the scenario at hand somehow obliges the player characters to prevent anyone, including Bernie himself, from realising that he’s undead for the space of a weekend.

(I personally prefer the vampire option for the variety of shenanigans that are likely to arise trying to prevent Bernie from unwittingly tripping over any of the traditional vampire weaknesses and giving the game away, but D&D has so many oddball species of undead that I’m sure there are alternatives.)

The problem is that this ends up wandering into The Melancholy of Bernie Lomax.

Did I say problem?  I don’t know if problem is the right word.  It’s definitely something.

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